Because sometimes it feels like the blind leading the emotional blind.
Let’s just say it out loud: teaching kids how to manage their emotions is hard when you’re still figuring out how to manage your own. There are days when you’re trying to calmly coach a tiny human through a meltdown while you’re two minutes away from one yourself. And sometimes you do melt down—because you’re human.
And you know what? That doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a real one.
Here’s the truth I’ve learned the hard way: You don’t have to be perfectly calm to raise emotionally healthy kids. You just need to be present, honest, and willing to grow alongside them. Even if you’re crying into your coffee behind a locked bathroom door.
First, Let’s Talk About What Emotional Regulation Really Means
It’s not about “staying calm” all the time or “never yelling.” Emotional regulation is:
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Naming feelings
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Understanding what they’re trying to tell us
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Choosing healthy ways to express them
For kids, this means learning they can be sad, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed—and still be safe, loved, and supported.
For us moms, it means modeling that process… even when we’re exhausted, triggered, and running on cold coffee and zero patience.
The Reality: You’re Teaching Even When You Feel Broken
I used to think I had to be the picture of calm before I could teach my kids how to regulate. Turns out, kids learn more from seeing you repair than from seeing you be perfect.
Here’s what that looks like in real life:
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“I got really frustrated just now. I’m sorry I yelled. I’m going to take a minute to calm down.”
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“Wow, that made me upset. I need a break to breathe.”
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“Let’s both try again, okay?”
That honesty models resilience, not failure. You’re showing them how to own their feelings and take responsibility for their behavior. Even if it’s messy.
Simple Tools for Big Feelings (Theirs and Yours)
1. Name It to Tame It
Help them (and yourself) put feelings into words:
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“You seem really frustrated right now.”
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“I’m feeling overwhelmed because there’s so much noise.”
Naming emotions is the first step to regulating them.
2. Create a Calm-Down Routine
Have a go-to strategy when everything is about to explode:
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Breathing together: “Smell the flower, blow out the candle”
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Drawing or coloring out feelings
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Safe space with a soft blanket or calming playlist
Yes, this works better on some days than others. That’s okay.
3. Lower the Bar (Seriously)
You’re not failing if you’re not handling everything with Pinterest-level poise. If all you did today was not completely lose it when your child screamed because their banana broke in half—you did great.
Repeat after me: Progress over perfection. Always.
4. Use “Try Again” Moments
You yelled? They slammed a door? That’s a moment for a reset—not shame.
Try this:
“That didn’t go well for either of us. Want to try again?”
It creates space for learning without guilt. It works for toddlers and grownups alike.
5. Take Breaks—Without Guilt
Sometimes, the most emotionally intelligent thing you can do is step away.
If you need to go into the bathroom and cry for 5 minutes, do it. Put on a show. Make PB&J for dinner again. You’re allowed to choose peace over Pinterest.
Your kids don’t need you to be a robot. They need you to be real—and rested enough to show up again tomorrow.
You’re Enough, Even When You’re a Hot Mess
If you’re out there trying to teach emotional regulation while feeling emotionally unraveled yourself—you are brave. You are showing up in the hardest of ways. And that counts for more than you know.
Every deep breath you take before reacting is a lesson.
Every time you apologize and reconnect is a win.
Every imperfect moment is an opportunity for connection.
So if you’re barely holding it together… hold on.
You’re not alone. And you’re doing better than you think.